Ballerina

Usually I’m able to tell how good a movie is based on its rotten tomatoes score. As a John Wick enthusiast, I was expecting Ballerina to be one of the best action movies of the year, but this one just left me pissed off. 

First of all, the movie is called ‘Ballerina’, so you would expect dance to be woven into the themes, right? 

Unfortunately, being a ballerina has quite literally nothing to do with the plot in any way whatsoever, and just leaves me with more questions than anything. The main character carries around this little mechanical ballerina toy from her dead father (I see you Diego!!), but aside from being the only relic from her past, it has no other significance the film. And what on Earth was that ballerina training assassin academy? Why would they put in all that effort to teach the girls there how to dance if it doesn’t have anything to do with their assassin lessons? Both forms of training were shown as completely separate, when it would have been so easy to link the two. Maybe, the assassins could be disguised as traveling ballerina performers, where the perform by day and kill by night. Or even better, the grace and movements they spent their entire lives learning could be part of a special fighting style that would give the women an advantage over bigger enemies. My main complaint is that the movie is called ‘Ballerina’, but that fact has literally nothing to do with the journey of the main character. 

But its not like the plot is well written either. First up, why is it that Hollywood isn’t letting their female action movie leads get dirty? Our lady Eve was thrown around numerous times over the course of the course of the movie, but not a single hair gets out of place. Her makeup? Not a smudge. And if she ever gets injured in the face, its always a tiny clean cut on the cheek, away from all her important facial features. The double standard is crazy, because John Wick always ends up looking like a zombie by the end of the film. One thing I’ll give Ballerina is that the fighting choreography is awesome. But it’s so hard to appreciate it when Eve exits the fight still looking like a model. 

And then the plot. It’s so cliche! Every single scene in the movie was hyping up this secret organization that Eve would surely die if she ever got mixed up with. But in the end, SPOILER, it’s just a gated community for assassins. That reveal was a complete let down. And there were so many smaller things in the plot that made no sense. Basically, Eve ends up losing a fight to an agent from that secret organization and gets knocked out. Even though she is a clear threat, the agent does not kill her. And the reason is even dumber. Apparently, the agent doesn’t have to kill her because Eve violated assassin treaty and someone else will execute her instead. Literally the first rule of assassin work is make sure your target is dead. WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU LEAVE THAT JOB TO SOMEONE ELSE? I lost braincells watching this movie. But it gets even stupider. When Eve is on ‘trial’ with some other people for causing the shootout, she just says something along the lines of “broski i’m innocent” and blames the other people with her. They actually believe her. The others get executed. Based on what an ethically devoid assassin said. I didn’t know this international organization of assassins operated on the logic of biased elementary school teachers. 

There’s one more cliche I want to talk about. Remember the secret agent assassin that knocks Eve out? In the end of the movie, it’s revealed that they bother are sisters. You can pretty much guess how that conversation went. 

It’s actually so brainrot. So unbelievably cliche. I don’t even know why this movie was made. Ballerina would have been so much better if it actually had a plot, because the fight choreography and cinematography was already there! Absolute 3/10 experience. And I apologize for this rant.